


Total Knockout

by Ithil



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Boxing, Comedy, Complete, Fluff, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-01-06
Updated: 2007-09-26
Packaged: 2017-11-29 11:13:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 12,454
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/686321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ithil/pseuds/Ithil
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Hojo is competing in a boxing tournament and invites Kagome to cheer him on!  She's looking forward to friends, fun and an afternoon without a certain overprotective dog demon.  Surely nothing will go wrong!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Revenge Is a Dish Best Served from a Safe Six-mile Radius

This piece was originally inspired by something sashlea said in response to chapter thirty-two of TCBG. I've been holding off on it for a while.

I did not invent Inuyasha, Hojo, Souta, Kagome or her silly friends. Long may Rumiko Takahashi's pen be sharp!

  
drf24@columbia.edu

Here's nothing you ever wanted to know about my boxer fetish.

.  
.  
.

 

"I'm really glad you decided to come with me, Kagome!" Hojo beamed as he gave his duffel bag a good heft. "This is only the third tournament I've been to. I've taken lessons since I was twelve. My father insisted, of course. He's always been a fan of western-style boxing. Did you know that the first boxing tournament in Japan was held in blah blah blah..."

Kagome smiled and nodded.

She threw her head back and took a deep breath in the perfect sunshine. A whole day at a college-hosted tournament! Junk food, other girls her own age, overpriced soft drinks with melting ice and no demons, curses, jewel shards or little brothers in sight!

And what a sight. Aside from the loose crowd that had shown up for the tournament, there were students carrying books, walking to class, chatting happily about history, science, assignments... Kagome forced something thick down her throat. With the way her grades had stagnated, she would be lucky to get into a decent high school, let alone a university.

Kagome shook her head and tried to focus on how pretty everything was. These weren't the palatial grounds that all the colleges in American movies seemed to have, but the walkways chiseled a clean path beside tiny, immaculate flower beds and overpruned little trees. And this wasn't even a top-tier school. She'd expected something much more modest.

Well... She'd _expected_ a certain stupid dog boy to jump out of the well house and drag her kicking and screaming back to the sengoku jidai like he had the last five times she'd tried to leave home with her friends. Kagome smiled thinly. Inuyasha wouldn't be happy when he found out that she'd left for something other than school.

But after what he did, it serves him right!

He'd shout, he'd fume, he'd stomp on the ground, and he wouldn't be able to do a thing about it!

"So when do we meet up with Yuka and Eri?" Kagome asked, interrupting Hojo's story on the history of mouth guards.

"Not for another two hours," he answered chipperly. "That's when I have to register."

"What?"

"I can't believe your friends are coming too!" he went on. "I'll have more people to cheer me on, and you'll have someone to sit with in case your contact dermatitis flares up again."

Kagome held in a sigh. So the girls were being "thoughtful," again. An afternoon with the school hunk was nothing to sneeze at, but they'd also neglecting to mention that they'd told him it was a date.

There was nothing to be done about it, Kagome allowed. Yuka, Eri and Ayumi would only give up on trying to find her a boyfriend if she managed to get one on her own. _And then they'd probably go on about how I should drop him for someone else._ The girls might still be under the impression that she had rheumatoid arthritis, but they weren't stupid, and Kagome was a crummy liar.

 _If I try to make up a boyfriend, they'll ask me what he's like, and I know I'll end up talking about Inuyasha._ And as far as the girls knew, Inuyasha was nothing but a loud-mouthed, two-timing, violent, arrogant—

"—ale?"

—stuck-up, over-possessive, way-jealous, total jerk about anything that wasn't—

"Kagome?"

"Hm?" she looked up.

"I said, 'Can I get you some ginger ale?'" repeated Hojo. "You were starting to look a little flushed again, and there's a soda machine right there."

Kagome felt her mood brighten. "That's sweet of you, Hojo. Thank you!"

 _This_ was why she'd agreed to come out here. She was going to sip soda in the sun, and then go cheer for a friend as he competed in public after months of hard work and practice. Kagome enjoyed a thin smile. And a certain overbearing dog demon had no clue where she was.

.  
.  
.

 

"Okay," Inuyasha held the city map up at arm's length. "I turn left where?"

"By the bridge. It's right after you get off the subway," said Souta.

"I still don't see why I can't just run there."

"Because I only know how to get there from the subway and can't give you directions," he answered.

Inuyasha snorted. "You only need to get me close enough to catch her scent. Now tell me again what these stupid clothes are for."

"So that no one thinks you're a crazy person in a demon costume and calls the police."

The dog demon grumbled, "But why do they have to itch so much?" he demanded, scrabbling at one leg of his baggy jeans.

"Careful!" Souta called out. "I had to borrow those! I can't return them if they're clawed to bits!"

Inuyasha wadded the map into a messy square, tucked it into his shirt, and headed for the door. "Thanks for the help, brat."

"Have a nice trip, Inuyasha-nii-san!" Souta shouted as his hero ran off after the truant shard detector. "It's my pleasure, really!" he called as the dog demon flew down the sidewalk.

Souta enjoyed a wicked chuckle as a smile stretched across his mouth.

"Still think telling my friends I sleep with a Hello Kitty doll is funny, Sis?"

.  
.  
.


	2. Spilled Milk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A brief and meaningless encounter lets Hojo flex his ceiling fan.

Forgive me, but the good news is that I'm working full time. The bad news is that my job and commute leave me with less time for writing. Here's hoping that everyone gets to strike a balance. I hope this isn't too disorganized for anyone.

 

.  
.  
.  
.

 

"...and then Mr. Masashi made him do the assignment _anyway_ ," Hojo finished with a chuckle.

"I can't believe I missed it!" Kagome fumed. "Everyone else gets to have so much fun!"

_And who'd ever think that I'd be saying that about math class?_ Kagome mused. She would never get to be a teenager like this, and from what she read, heard and saw on TV, that was the best and most fun part of life. Even if she was supposed to spend most of it studying, that was all part of the plan and the promise. The schemes, the days, the summers... Kagome would spend all of it chasing demons and death. She'd never have the teachers to laugh about or the stories to tell ...at least none of the stories that wouldn't get her locked up, anyway.

Hojo nodded sympathetically. "It's must be tough, having to go through what you're going through," he said slowly. "I just want to say, Kagome, that I know I can't be there with you for it or help you with any of it, but I really... I guess I just admire you, Kagome. For not giving up."

Kagome looked down at the half-melted ice in her ginger ale, hiding a smile and a blush. Hojo thought he was talking about her illnesses, but...

She couldn't help it. It felt good.

"Really! And I wish I were as good of a listener as you are, Kagome. My stories are all so boring!"

"Not to me they're not!" she answered far too quickly.

Hojo beamed.

_Eeep!_ Kagome felt her face get hot. _I shouldn't have said it like that!_ "Um, no! I didn't mean it-!"

"Huh?"

"I mean, I did mean it, but I don't mean... Um... "

Hojo gave her a sympathetic, half-knowing look.

_I can't figure out what to say! Now he's REALLY going to think I meant it like that!_

"You don't have to be embarrassed, Kagome."

"Oh no," Kagome pressed both hands to her cheeks, "I really do."

"Well I think you're too hard on yourself," Hojo remarked. "But anyway, I've been really selfish, and we've only got so much time until my coach gets here. What about you?" he enthused. "I know you're stuck at home a lot, but I'd love to listen to whatever you've got to say."

Kagome froze in place. "Well, I-" her mind blanked as she stared up into that perfect, open smile. "Umm... I-"

"Hey, watch it!"

"Ooof!" She suddenly found herself on all fours on the walkway.

"Kagome!" exclaimed Hojo. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah..." She twisted around and saw a boy about Hojo's age, carrying a duffel and a half-empty cup of soda that matched the fizzy stain spreading across her shirt.

"Watch where you're going, you dumb clumsy bitch!" he sneered.

Hojo shook his head, offering Kagome a hand. "Are you alright?" he asked again as he helped her up. "That fall didn't make your scoliosis act up again, did it?"

"Uh..." Kagome's cheeks reddened. "It was just a little spill, Hojo..."

"Hm," the other boy snorted, squinting down into the soda cup. He gave the contents a disgusted swirl and then tossed the whole thing into one of the flower beds.

"You know," Hojo's voice had an odd calmness to it. "You really shouldn't litter."

The cola boy's eyebrows shot up right into his spiky hair.

"And you should apologize to Kagome," Hojo finished, folding his arms.

"She bumped into me, asshole!" he gave Hojo a one-handed shove to the chest and a strong, thick leer. "I hope she's not that clumsy when she's _reinstalling your ceiling fan_."

Kagome blinked. _When I'm who on the what now?_

"I'll do you a favor pretend I didn't hear that last part," Hojo intoned as he took a step closer to the cola boy, "and no she didn't. And she's not the sort to touch anyone's ceiling fan until at _least_ the fifth date!"

"You calling me a liar, pretty boy?"

"Whoa, whoa!" Kagome suddenly realized what was going on. With a speed born from long practice, Kagome stepped between the two posturing adolescents. "It's okay, Hojo, really!"

_Oooh_ , she mourned inwardly. _I thought I left stuff like this behind in the feudal era!_

"No it's not, Kagome. This young man should apologize for knocking you down."

"What if I don't _feel_ like apologizing, _Hojo?_ " the cola boy sneered over Kagome's shoulder.

"Then I'd say you were being rude."

"Yeah," he sneered again, "what's a skinny little mama's boy like you gonna do about it?"

Kagome changed tactics, pulling hard on Hojo's arm. "Really," she said. "Come on. I don't care!"

"I'm sorry, Kagome," said Hojo, "but I care." He turned back to the sneering cola boy. "You look like you'd be in my weight division, so if it's a fight you want, then I'll see you inside. I prefer to meet people in the ring on more friendly terms, but this is the only way to teach you a lesson, then let's do it like civilized men."

The tall boy gave a snort. "You think you can beat me in the _ring_ , dillweed?" He jabbed a thumb at his chest, "Do you know who I am?"

"Sure I do," said Hojo. "You're the guy who's just insulted a good friend of mine. And yes, I do think I can beat you in the ring." 

The cola boy laughed, showing the fillings in his molars. Evidently this kid with a spiky haircut, slight-to-decent-build, and the standard-issue scattering of acne thought of himself as a fighter. Kagome looked him over again, from his pristine brand-name sneakers to his artfully shredded T-shirt. _Well..._ she thought. _I guess he looks a LITTLE tough..._ But in the feudal era, even farm boys who'd never seen a sword had great muscles. In the fuedal era, Inuyasha and Kouga would have had this kid for a chew toy. Hojo and the cola boy were just little kids playing dress-up.

"If I win, you have to apologize to Kagome!"

"Okay," replied the cola boy, "and when I win, you're going to get the ass-kicking of your life.  
Look for me in the ring," he told Hojo, "I'm number thirty-four. You can count that high, can't you?"

"May the best man win," Hojo called back as the other boy ambled off. He shook his head, "I'm sorry you had to see that Kagome. You see, this is a violent sport, and it sometimes attracts people who really don't understand proper codes of conduct," he sighed. "I hope he didn't frighten you."

Kagome blinked. Frightened?

"Not at all," she said. "In fact, it's refreshing to see someone act like a gentleman for a change."

"Thanks!"

"But Hojo, you really shouldn't feel like you have to fight for me." _There are enough people who do that_. "What do I care if some big baby doesn't want to admit-"

"Kagome!"

Kagome turned as someone called her name from across the square. She shaded her eyes and waved happily as she caught sight of her friends.

"There they are!" Hojo said brightly. "Look, I know this is terribly rude of me, but would you mind if I ran off now? My coach is late and I really have to register."

"Of course!" she answered. "I'll see you from the audience. Good luck in the tournament!"

Hojo beamed. "Thanks, Kagome! You're the best!"

Before she could do anything, before she could even blink, Hojo leaned down and kissed her cheek.

Kagome could hear her friends squeal from thirty feet as the boy ran off. 

.  
.  
.

 

A button clattered against the stinking hot pavement as Inuyasha yanked the map out of this stupid thin haori.

The stones burned his feet, the hat itched his ears, and he probably looked like an idiot in these flimsy human rags.

He didn't see a bridge _anywhere!!_

Inuyasha growled loudly, twisting the map in his hands. "That stupid girl is in so much trouble when I catch up with her!!"

 

.  
.  
.  
.

drf24 @ columbia.edu


	3. Scents and Sensibility

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Has Inuyasha taken one too many to the head or simply not dished out enough?

Hello and welcome to the latest installment of Ithil's-tired-so-here's-some-fluff. Rumiko Takahashi writes real-deal Inuyasha and I don't!

And because I feel like it and I've been reading a really great annotated version, Pride and Prejudice unravelled!

 

BINGLEY: Hey, good buddy. Why don't you dance?

DARCY: I don't wanna! All the girls here are skags! My shirt itches! The music sucks! I wanna go home!

ELIZABETH: Jerk. (leaves in huff)

DARCY: What a woman. I must have her.

Remember, even if it weren't two hundred years old and British, it would still be a romantic comedy.

 

.  
.  
.

 

"Hojo just _kissed_ you!"

"How was the ride over?"

"How was Hojo?"

"And _what_ happened to your shirt?"

Kagome sighed. It wasn't that she didn't appreciate their efforts to cheer her up, but they would have managed that just fine by coming along like they'd said they would. When would she get another change to be a teenage girl on a college campus with her friends?

"Some guy bumped into me and spilled the soda," Kagome explained simply, "A real jerk. I thought there was going to be a fight, but Hojo said that they should settle it in the ring."

"Ooooh! Chivalry!"

"How gallant!"

"How romantic!"

"How did he look?"

"It's nothing like that, guys, really!" Kagome answered. "You know how Hojo is with manners. This guy pushed his buttons is all."

Eri smoothed back her hair, "It wasn't your buttons he was kissing, Kagome! What was up with that?"

Kagome spent the next twenty minutes fighting the blush on her face as her friends sighed over the thought of Hojo defending her honor against the spiky-haired rabble.

"He's so _brave!_ "

"He's so strong!"

"He's _so_ going to kick that guy's ass for you, Kagome!"

"Yeah," said Kagome. "I guess he is."

"You're not excited?"

"Not really," she said. "If you ask me, I was more impressed that he was such a gentleman about the whole thing." Kagome's smile dimmed. "After all, there are some guys who couldn't be polite if their lives depended on it."

 

.  
.  
.

 

Well... This looked like it _might_ be the place. Inuyasha twisted his head to the side, squinting hard in the glare off those damned white rocks. His reading was a little rusty, but the markings on that big cloth banner looked like they said ...aw hell! This was no good! This place was crowded and noisy and confusing, and it was all Kagome's fault!

Not only did she leave, but she'd left with _that boy._ And after she'd sat him into the ground for _nothing!!_

Okay, almost nothing.

Okay, so he'd called her an ugly bitch, but it was during a fight!! If she could call him a selfish, foul-mouthed, crude, demanding, arrogant, stupid, pig-headed turbo jerk just for throwing Shippo and her math homework into the river, then why couldn't he say anything back?

And okay, so he'd also eaten all her shampoo, but it had smelled like food, dammit!!

Inuyasha sniffed at the crowd. It seemed like it was just a bunch of humans here, most of them young men around Kagome's age. Inuyasha barely noticed a growl building in his throat. Why had she come here?

There were so many people, and he had no idea where to start. How was he ever going to get her scent in this mess?

_I'll start on the outside and work my way in..._ That way, she couldn't double back while he was searching different parts of the ...what the hell was this place, anyway?

Compared to the rest of this big blasting block of a city, this etched-out little compound was almost quiet enough for him to hear himself think. There were patches of grass and flowers, and even a stunted tree or too. The buildings were even a little less ugly. It was nothing like home, or even the scanty shrine grounds around Kagome's house, but it still seemed like someone had deliberately—

Inuyasha looked up. Was that...

_Hojo!!_ His ears twitched furiously beneath the hat as the beaming boy trotted by. First he'd tricked Kagome into coming here to goof off while she should have been shard hunting with him, and now he was running around by himself! A low growl built in his throat. Kagome was way too trusting. What if Hojo had only lured her here so that he could feed her to some hidden demon? What if he'd already done it?

Inuyasha inhaled sharply, but couldn't catch any scent of Kagome except what was lingering on Hojo's skin and clothes. He narrowed his eyes and stomped off after the poufy-headed human.

Well... he tried to. He'd turned around, but the crowd kept trying to go the same way. Inuaysha scratched at his cap, perplexed. For the most part, they weren't even looking at each other. How did they do it? Inuyasha could barely pull in a breath without bumping into someone, but everyone else was moving smoothly, like fish in a lake.

Inuyasha looked longingly at one of the scrubby trees, tilting his head back extra far to see in this stupid visored hat. One little hop, and there he'd be in the branches. One hop after that, and Hojo's guts would baste the stinking pavement. The dog demon grit his teeth, remembering Souta's dire warning:

_"Whatever you do, don't use your powers! The last thing that you and nee-chan need is for people to find out that demons are real! If they do, they'll send reporters and police and scientists, and they're ALL going to want to touch your ears, Inu-no-nii-chan!"_

Inuyasha clapped one hand protectively over the hat, and held back a shudder as he elbowed his way after Hojo. He couldn't seem to find a way to move so that no one was touching him. Why did these people live so close together, anyway? And why was everyone moving so slow?

"Registration, please."

"Huh?"

The crowd parted, and the dog demon found himself in a doorway. The woman at the other side of a low counter adjusted her glasses with one bony hand and looked him up and down. "Are you a fighter or are you here to see someone?"

"Both," he answered.

"Don't joke with me today, young man," the woman snapped. 

"I'm not—" Inuyasha raised one hand to flash his claws at the battleaxe, then stopped. The whole point of wearing these stupid clothes was to keep people from noticing that he was a dangerous, powerful, demon. The only problem with that was that people didn't know that he was a dangerous, powerful demon.

"You're holding up the line," she went on. "You are either here to fight or you are here to watch someone else fight. If you are here to watch someone else fight, then you give me ¥150 right now. If you are here to compete, then show me your registration paper."

Inuyasha opened his mouth to answer. "I—"

"One of _those?_ " she pointed.

The dog demon turned and looked where she was pointing. The guy behind him in line held up a big paper square with the number – Inuyasha squinted his eyes – "twenty-eight" written on it.

"Oh." Inuyasha's eyebrows shot up. "Yeah. Yeah, I got one of those."

As he turned to leave, he heard the woman mutter, "I swear, after a enough hits to the head, they should just stop letting them compete."

.  
.  
.

 

"Are you a fighter or are you here to see someone?" he repeated.

"Um... I'm here to watch my nephew?"

"Crap. Never mind."

Inuaysha hurried out to where the crowd was thin looked around some more. He was pretty sure that the woman from the counter couldn't see him from here, but it couldn't hurt to be safe. "Fighter or are you here to see someone?" he asked a tall man with a big belly.

"See someone," the belly man answered. "Why you asking?"

"Crap. Never mind."

 

"Fighter or here to see someone?"

"I'm here with my son."

"Crap."

 

"Fighter or here to see someone?"

"I'm here to watch the fights!"

"Crap."

 

"Fighter or here to see some—"

"Watch where you're going, asshole!"

Inuyasha looked over his shoulder as someone bumped into him from behind. The boy was maybe an inch taller than he was, not counting his over-inflated head, and he was carrying something bulky in a bag slung over his shoulder.

And wasn't that—

Inuyasha leaned forward and took a sniff. This boy had Kagome's scent on him! It was only a hint, but—

" _Hey!_ " the boy gave a screech. "What'cha sniffing me for, freak!" 

_Not my personal pleasure, that's for sure..._ thought the dog demon, wrinkling his nose. Maybe it was the summer heat, but this boy reeked almost as badly as a wolf demon. Finding Kagome's scent on him was like watching a flower petal fall into horse dung.

"I'm looking for Kagome," he said, fighting the urge to cover his nose. These sleeves were too wuss-skimpy to help, anyway.

"Kaga-who?" dungboy started a retort, but then held back a moment, "Oh yeah, the bitch who spilled my soda a minute ago."

Something in Inuyasha growled. "She's not a bitch! I'd better not hear you call her that again!" Inuyasha snapped before he realized what he was saying.

Okay, so Kagome was a bitch, but... but this reeking pimple factory wasn't allowed to say so!

The sniveling weakling shook his head, "What, does that chick have idiot pheromones in her shampoo or something?"

Inuyasha's mouth puckered. Kagome's shampoo just tasted like soap.

"Hate to break it to you, sniffer-boy," he went on, "but she's waxing another guy's ceiling fan. Some whiny headcase named Hojo."

"A sealing fan?" So Hojo was a demon! Why a fan? Wouldn't an ofuda have worked better? "I knew that that boy was trouble," he growled, "but dammit, she was supposed to call me if she ran into anything. We could've knocked him flat together!"

At this, dungboy tossed his head back and laughed all the way from his sagging beltline, giving Inuyasha an unpleasantly adequate noseful of BO and Frito breath. His eyes narrowed. He might not have been up to date on the latest Tokyo slang, but the universal language of Adolescent Male rang loud and clear: he'd been had.

"Listen, human," Inuyasha seethed, "I don't have a lot of time and I sure as hell don't have a lot of patience. You can tell me where you saw Kagome, or I can take it outta your hide."

The boy gave a grin and the shoulder bag hit the concrete. "That's fine with me, freak." He strode toward the twitching dog demon. "The refs just get in the way if you ask me." He brought up one fist. "Get ready for the pounding of a lifetime!"

"Oh, so you're a fighter?"

"You bet I'm a fighter!" the burly young man shot back at him. "I'm the first in my weight division and I—"

"Great. 'Bout time."

"Huh—"

THUNK!

Inuyasha rolled the burly boy back behind some shrubs and poked at the his fallen sack, finally hooking the zipper with one claw. He pulled out a pair of puffy red fists, some cloth, and a big piece of paper with a number written on it.

Inuyasha shouldered the bag, and gave the boy a pat on his newly-lumpy head. "Thanks for the help."

 

.  
.  
.

 

(And later, in Bingley's library...)

MISS BINGLEY: What'cha readin'?

DARCY: A book.

ELIZABETH: (reads)

MISS BINGLEY: Can I see?

DARCY: No.

MISS BINGLEY: You're so smart!

DARCY: Okay.

MISS BINGLEY: I'm so pretty! Hooray.

DARCY: Ugh.

MISS BINGLEY: You're a cutie! (huggles him)

DARCY: Get off me!

MISS BINGLEY: No!

DARCY: HELP!

ELIZABETH: (reads)


	4. Not Kidding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes knuckleheaded guy stuff is just the thing! Inuyasha finds out how well-equipped he is.

Long may Rumiko Takahashi's pen be sharp!

This chapter brought to you by Chaos Baked Goods. Do not look directly at the mint swirl.

But first, because I feel like it, _Pride and Prejudice_ unravelled!

~ ~ ~

ELIZABETH: No, really. I don't want to marry you.

COLLINS: So you're going to say yes next week?

ELIZABETH: No, I would say no next week.

COLLINS: What about the week after that?

ELIZABETH: NO!

COLLINS: What, you don't like pizza?  
.  
.  
.

Kagome 's shirt was almost dry now, she realized as she looked down into the gymnasium floor. The cavernous room had been roped off into eight separate rings for the first stretch of matches. It wasn't fight night in Vegas, but there was a real hum of excitement in the air as men and women with whistles and referee caps were beginning to filter through the crowd of spectators milling around on the floor.

It was so exciting! So thrilling! So _normal!_

"So how was the ride over?" asked Ayumi as they inched sideways into the stands.

"Oh..." Kagome's brain re-congealed.

It would have been nice to have had other girls in the car on the ride here. When Hojo'd come to pick her up at home, Kagome had expected a walk to the bus stop, or a hop onto the jostling subway, but instead, she'd gotten the air-conditioned nirvana of a late-model car. Hojo's mother had volunteered to chauffeur her not-quite-driving-age son and his friend to the tournament.

"Was she impressed, Kagome?" asked Eri.

"Impressed?" Kagome asked. "I guess so." Kagome now knew beyond any doubt where Hojo got his sunny demeanor. His mother was so friendly that it was a full five minutes before Kagome noticed what she was really talking about. Where had she grown up? My, she was even prettier than Hojo had said! Was it true that she'd been at the top of her history class before unfortunate string of illnesses? "She did everything but ask to see my teeth," she answered dully.

"Well ...that's good!"

"It means she likes you!"

"Likes me for what?" Kagome demanded.

The others gave her a withering stare.

"What?" she insisted again.

"Kagome," scolded Ayumi. "Do you really think Hojo's the type to date a girl his parents think is bad news?"

"Yeah," said Yuka, "You've _so_ got to convince them that you'll be good for him."

"I guess..." she looked away. "But does it really matter? I mean, he just started high school. Any girlfriend he has right now is mostly for fun, right?"

"Kagome!"

"You have _got_ to start taking Hojo more seriously!"

"Come on, how much time do any of us have for anything but studying, anyway?"

"Good point," Eri said archly. "You wouldn't want a no-good fella' distracting you from your schoolwork."

" _And_ hurting your future," added Yuka.

"On _top_ of everything else," finished Ayumi.

Kagome felt her shoulders pull in toward her neck. "Uh..." she managed. "I don't know who you're talking about!"

.  
.  
.

 

"What's this for?" Inuyasha dangled the white chunk of plastic from one claw.

"That's a mouth guard. To keep your teeth from getting knocked out," said the kid with the freckles.

"Keh. They grow back in a day and a half." Inuyasha chucked it over his shoulder.

The boy with the freckles and the boy with the wide face exchanged a glance. "That's the spirit," he said at last.

"All right..." Inuyasha dug the next conundrum out of the very deservedly bruised mister horse-dung's back. "So what are the puffy mittens for again?"

"You put them on your hands."

"But then I can barely _use_ my hands."

"Whatever man; this isn't wrestling," the other boy turned away, slapping his duffel down on the bech and fishing through it. "Dammit, where's my brain bucket?"

Inuyasha sniffed hard. Nope. This sweat-saturated tile dungeon still reeked like a den full of wolf demons who hadn't been rained on in three weeks, but there wasn't any scent of real carnage. He tried to cover his nose, but this suck-ass sleeve was too short. He'd whiffed far worse, but these stench-seeping runtlings could give Kouga a run for his money ...and his fleas.

"You mean you've got to pick up the brains when you're done?"

"Sometimes," another boy behind him laughed. He was strapping something puffy around his head, fastening it under his chin with velcro. Hm. "Better get your gear on before your coach gets here," he went on. "You don't want to be the only kid stupid enough to try to lace on his own gloves."

"Uh..." Inuyasha didn't get this. He didn't get it and he didn't like it. It stank in here, he was surrounded by strangers and it was all Kagome's fault. At least some of these stinking mortals didn't mind explaining where they were going or why they were leaving or what the hell all this stuff in the bragging "fighter's" bag was. He fished through some more creased leather and squeaky plasitc. "How about this one?"

"That's your helmet," the freckled boy.

Inuyasha shrugged. Souta'd said he'd have to keep his ears covered. This squishy thing would probably do. At least he wouldn't look like much more of an idiot than he already did in these stupid clothes. "How about this?" He hooked a claw on a piece of cloth and flipped it over. "Hey, is this a skirt?"

"No," said the freckled boy. "Those are your trunks."

"It's made out of tree?" asked Inuyasha.

"Whatever. Just put 'em on."

Inuyasha held up the trunks for a closer look. They looked like a cross between real trousers and Kagome's garment of choice. He eyed the other boys, who were all slipping into some version or other.

Okay, so maybe he would look a little dumber than usual.

"Fine," he snapped. "And what's this?" He lifted the last chunk of elastic and fiber out of the bag. He frowned. It didn't seem to be shaped like anything. There were elastic looks like in a waistband, all right, but except for a weird cup-shaped piece in the front. It was almost shaped like his—

"You're _kidding_ , right?"

But the freckled boy didn't answer, turning his head as the heavy wooden door swung open.

"Hey," snapped Inuyasha. "I'm talking to—" Inuyasha cut off as his ears twitched underneat his cap, his nose recoiling at the scent that reached his brain. A thin growl grew at the back of his throat as he twisted his neck so that he could see.

"Don't look!" hissed the freckled boy. "I do not want him coming over here!"

"Good afternoon, everyone!" a chipper voice rang out. There was a noncommital chorus of reponses.

"Aw fuck," said the round-faced boy. "Muster the squires; it's Sir Lancelot."

Inuyasha frowned. So the boy had started training with weapons? It didn't _look_ like he had a lance...

"Shut _up!_ "

"Hey, is there something wrong with the pipes?" he asked.

Inuyasha stopped growling. "Where's Kagome, you—"

It was a truly fabulous insult, even for him, but it balled up in his throat as the freckled and round-face boys quietly tackled him against the locker. It smelled like dead rats having a bachelor party.

"Hey, has anyone seen number thirty-four?" Hojo asked one of the boys next to him.

Hojo's hearing must have been as bad as his doofy haircut, because he simply shrugged and began putting on his equipment.

"Well," his voice deepened, "I'll see him in the ring, then." Someone must have looked at him funny, because he added in a deeper voice, "The matter concerns a _lady_."

Freckle boy and the round faced kid snorted in unison as Hojo slipped into his gear and disapeared around a row of lockers.

"Oh God, where does he get this?"

"It's like he's from the fifteenth century or something."

"I don't think so," added Inuyasha. "And believe me, I've checked."

"Thirty-four!" the freckled boy pointed at the paper pinned Inuyasha's shirt. "That's you, dude!"

"Yeah. Why does his Honorable Stickuphisass want to tangle with you?"

"And what's this about a lady?" asked the round-faced boy. "Not that girl I saw wishing him luck outside?"

The floor connected to Inuyasha's feet gave a load rattle and both humans stepped back. "Did she have hair that puffs out like this?" Inuyasha held his hands half a foot from his head.

"Kind of," said the round-faced kid. One of his eyebrows sidled up. "I was a little busier looking at that skirt of hers, tell the truth..."

"That's her!" Inuyasha held in a snarl. Oooooh, Kagome was going to pay for making him come all the way to this reeking, confusing room!

The freckled boy shook his head, "Man, I wouldn't want to be with you in the ring."

"Yeah, what's this ring I keep hearing about?"

The round face boy shook his head, "Your coach _sucks_ , man."

"Yeah," added the round-faced kid. "I mean, I thought my guy was bad when he told me to go running in the snow, but turns out that was just to build up my pain tolerance."

"Actually, that doesn't help that much." Inuyasha simmered. "If anything's happened to Kagome, I'm going to pound that runtling into worm bait!"

The freckled boy brightened. "Really?"

The round faced boy seemed confused. "You mean that girl he was with? I don't know. She didn't look like anything was wr—"

The freckled boy jabbed the round-faced boy in the ribs. Then he nodded over his shoulder toward the door where Hojo had gone.

"I mean... She did look a bit flushed," he finished.

Inuyasha's ears twitched - or they tried to - under the helmet. Some quiet part of his being was telling him that these young men weren't being entirely truthful with him and that he should be careful.

Fortunately, the rest of his being had better sense.

"All right, then," said the freckled human. "Just let us fill you in on a few things before you go out there for your first bout."  
.  
.  
.  
DARCY: Hey, you know how you have no money, no political clout, your family has worse manners than a pack of hyenas with roid rage and if you don't find a husband you're basically going to be destitute, which is pretty much what'll happen to your sister because I convinced my pal Bingley that she's not good enough for him?

ELIZABETH: (eyebrow)

DARCY: Well I want to marry you anyway.

ELIZABETH: (beats him with embroidery hoop)

DARCY: (swirly-eyed) But I overlooked your many flaws!

COLONEL FITZWILLIAM: Stop digging, pal.

DARCY: But--

ELIZABETH: (clubs him)  
.  
.  
.  
drf24(at)columbia.edu


	5. The Basics

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys are all right.

Long may Rumiko Takahashi's pen be sharp!

This chapter brought to you by Chaos Baked Goods. Do not look directly at the mint swirl.

~ ~ ~

And now more P&P unraveled, which is Jane Austen's and public domain.  
.  
LADY CATHERINE: Unbelievable! Not only did Miss Bennett not answer all my pointed and intrusive questions, but she wouldn't promise me never to marry you even if you were the last man on earth and an electromagnetic pulse destroyed everything battery-powered.

DARCY: Really? Score!  
.  
.  
.

"I can't stand him and it's not just me. He pisses _everybody off!_ " the freckled boy was bubbling over. "I mean, with his always being nice to the new guys and his never gloating or posturing!"

"He didn't even have the decency to victory dance after he beat the crap out of me last year," added the round-faced boy. He shook his head. "Just said it was a 'good match.' The least he could've done was gotten some points knocked off for unsportsmanlike."

"I hope he rots in hell," seethed the freckled boy.

"I hope somebody breaks his nose and then he rots in hell."

"Yeah, but they'd better knock out his front teeth first."

"Ugh! You remember when he offered to show us the 'right way to floss'?"

"What an asshole!"

"What a jerktard!"

"What is he going to do with Kagome?!" Inuyasha hissed out. "That Hojo brought her here and I need to claw his eyes out before he transforms into some kinda' more powerful version of himself and, I don't know, eats the old bitch from the entranceway or something."

There was a silence.

"I'm just sayin' it would save us some time!" huffed Inuyasha, folding his arms. The chill wasn't enough to bother him, not really, but after years of wearing fire-rat... His scowl deepened. He hadn't liked leaving his fur behind.

"Okay..." said the round-faced boy. "Hojo probably brought your girlfriend here to, uh, eat her or something."

"No!" the freckled boy jabbed the other in the ribs. "She's probably his victory lay!"

"His what?" asked Inuyasha.

"You know, his victory lay," said the round-faced boy. "His horizontal bicycle stand?"

"His electric garden hose," the freckled boy added in a helpful tone.

"His swing-dancing tomato sandwich?"

"His hypoallergenic bendy straw?"

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Oh. It's a veiled adolescent reference to intercourse."

"Huh?"

"Fuckin'."

"Oh." Inuyasha nodded, "Oh! You mean Kagome is supposed to--?!"

"Well she doesn't have to."

"But that Hojo guy thinks she's gonna--?!"

"Well sometimes girls do."

Inuyasha's mind was wheeling. Of one thing, he was relatively confident: No way, no way was Kagome at the point where she would do what those human boys were suggesting, no matter how good of a fighter Hojo turned out to be. Despite everything he'd said, he was still pretty sure that Kouga hadn't done anything that merited more than Inuyasha's feeding him his own feet. After all, if all a guy had to be was a great fighter to get Kagome to—

"Aah!" Inuyasha's ears started twitching furiously. He clapped both poufy red hands over his helmet.

"I'm surprised. I hadn't thought Hojo would be the sort of guy who'd go for that," the round-faced boy said to the freckled boy.

"I'm not. He's dorky, not dead."

Inuyasha's racing mind slowed to a trot. The humans were looking at him a little too sidelong. He felt a smirk form in his mind. If this was a trick, then these red-gloved runtlings were way out of their league. They'd have to pull their baggy shorts on pretty early in the morning to pull one over on someone who had to keep Miroku in line. But how to get them to reveal their sneaky plot?

"Hey..." he asked with narrowed eyes. "Are you two making shit up so that I'll get angry at Hojo and beat the crap out of him?"

There was a pause. The two humans exchanged a glance.

"No?"

"Good, 'cause you don't really have to."

"Oh. All right, then. The truth is a lot of guys have their girlfriends come and watch the fight. It's actually no big deal."

"But you should still kick his ass around the ring until we can't even sell his organs to China any more and have to go to Guam instead," the round-faced boy added with a nod.

"All right... So if he and I are in the same 'ring' at the same time..." Inuyasha's mind tocked thickly toward the conclusion. "I get to beat the crap out of him? I'm allowed?"

"Uh..." the freckled boy leaned back, contemplating Inuyasha as if he were a dish that had been left in the fridge too long - hard to identify and with white fur in unusual places, "...yes?" he said at last.

"That's why we're here?" added the round-faced kid.

Inuyasha rubbed one poufy red glove against his chin, feeling oddly like Miroku. He didn't usually hold with beating up humans, but this was looking as if it might have been worth the train ride after all.

"But I have to fight a lot of other guys first?" Inuyasha asked with monkly shrewdness. "Is that what this is?"

"That's usually how it goes," answered the freckled boy. "But I think you've got to toss out all this clawing and ripping stuff. You might get in trouble for that shit."

"So what am I allowed to do?"

"Should I keep it simple?"

"Do I look like an idiot to you?" asked Inuyasha.

"Hook. Cross. Jab. Any combination of these."

"Myeh?" Inuyasha tried to scratch his head, but just ended up knocking his stupid puffy helmet off-center. He scowled, trying to right it with the declawed bulbs of his hands. Damn thing wouldn't stop a kitchen knife, let alone a good axe...

"This is a hook," mimed the round-faced boy. "This is a cross—"

"Really gotta get your weight in there," muttered the freckled boy.

"—and this is a jab." The round-faced boy gave one short, quick strike to an imaginary opponent's face.

"Keh! Those weak moves wouldn't stop a flea!"

"No no no!" the freckled boy held up both hands. "Sometimes they don't look like much, but if you get out there—" he mimed three more shots "—you throw a combo or two. It's like nothing else."

"It ain't gonna work," answered Inuyasha. "Look." Inuyasha mimicked the human's movements, tapping the freckled boy on the head.

The human keeled over and hit the floor with a dull thunk.

Inuyasha looked at the glove. "Okay..."

.  
.  
.

.  
.  
.

JANE: So you're joining the real army? Doesn't that mean they might send you off to fight Napoleon?

WICKHAM: Who?

JANE: Napoleon.

WICKHAM: Uh...

JANE: Currently pillaging his way across Europe?

WICKHAM: Maybe he went to State.  
.  
.  
.  
drf24(at)columbia.edu


	6. Knockout

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The knockout is revealed!

Long may the pen of she the Takahashi be sharp so that she may draw the manga such as _Inuyasha_ that she totally draws and I don't. I had fun writing this little bit, though.

This chapter brought to you by Chaos Baked Goods. We baked brownies while Rome burned.

.  
.  
.

 

The stands were varnished wooden pull-outs; Kagome had seen sets just like them at a couple of high schools. On the floor, she could see a line here and there from what was probably the basketball scheme. The backboards had been folded up, painter's tape and paper markers strung around the room to divide the different spaces for fighting, watching and moving. Eri had smiled thinly. Yuka twitched an eyebrow. Kagome had had to catch them at it three times before she realized what was up: The girls thought it was a little tacky. Kagome shrugged. For someone used to tiny huts, dingy ruins and enough responsibility to crush an elephant, it was spectacle enough.

Whatever complaints they might have had, they'd gone AWOL by the time Hojo's weight division stepped out.

Kagome waved and clapped as Hojo moved into one of the rings for his first bout. Hojo didn't look up, completely focused on the opponent in front of him, his face a mask of polite determination.

Ayumi leaned over and whispered a question into Kagome's ear, "Is that the guy Hojo promised to fight for you, Kagome?"

She shook her head, "I don't think so." It was hard to tell from this distance, but the round face framed by the puffy white helmet didn't seem familiar.

The referee raised his hands and called out something that didn't quite make it across the crowded hall. Kagome smiled slightly as Hojo danced around the other boy, springing forward with neat combination strikes to his opponent's head and chest and then pulling back out of reach. She felt a surprised smile form on her face. The round-faced boy's gloves dipped, just barely.

None of Kouga's men would've ever left their guard open like that, but still, Hojo wasn't half bad. Pretty soon, the other boy seemed to grow bolder, ducking into punches and coming out with more of his own.

"Oooooh," Yuka hissed in what might have been real concern. "Hojo's in trouble now!"

"No he's not," Kagome answered without thinking. "The other kid's getting desperate. But if you look at Hojo-kun, you'll see he's barely breaking a sweat. He's pacing himself," she pointed out.

Yuka and Eri exchanged a knowing look. "You're so in tune with all of this, Kagome," said Eri.

Kagome fought down a blush. "No, really, guys! I'm only—"

"Winner!" the distant referee called out, holding Hojo's glove in the air. Yuka, Ayumi and Eri clapped until their hands turned red. Kagome joined in. Hojo nodded to the umpire, then moved toward the other boy, holding out one gloved fist.

The round-faced kid twitched on the mat, obviously not up to gestures, sportsmanlike or otherwise. His mouth opened, forming words that Kagome knew all too well

"Audible!!" called the referee. "Two-point deduction!"

Kagome stilfled a giggle as the other boxer staggered to his feet. It was better than what she'd given Inuyasha for saying that word in front of Shippo. Of course, it wasn't as if she _liked_ using the spell on that foul-mouthed, stubborn—

"So Hojo has to wait for his next bout?" Eri was saying.

—arrogant, pig-headed—

"Yeah," answered Ayumi. "They add up the tournament points at the end of the day."

—overconfident, jealous, juvenile—

"He could probably use the rest," said Yuka. "But what are we going to do until them?"

—overbearing dog demon who never even had the decency to—

"Wow, look at _him_."

"Look at who?" asked Kagome, eyes still on Hojo.

" _Him!_ " Ayumi squealed to the accompaniment of titters from Yuka and Eri.

Kagome fought the urge to roll her eyes. There was no sense ruining the fun, but really. She lifted her head and followed Ayumi's line of sight. They were here as Hojo's guests. Besides, none of the scrappy little boys here were that good-looking any—

Kagome blinked.

"Oh," she said, eying the boy. His helmet looked a little overstuffed, but other than that... Smooth back, strong legs, arms that tensed and flowed just right with each motion. She felt her cheeks get warm. And the guy didn't let them go to waste either. The way he moved was like a controlled avalanche, far more power behind it than he was letting people see. Kagome watched, fascinated, as he snapped his fist into another boy's face. Something in that fighting style struck a chord.

"Hey, I think Hojo's up again!" squeaked Eri.

"Uh huh," murmured Kagome. Who was that puffy-headed boy in boxer shorts?

They were nice shorts, too. The dark gray seemed to gleam, swishing against the boy's smooth skin as he pushed himself in and out of the fight. The waistband was a little tight, though. She could barely make out dark pink marks where it had hugged his sides too tightly. A little looser and they'd fall a finger-width or two, sliding just right around his hips, showing off that smooth form without revealing his—

"Hojo-kun!"

"Yay, Hojo!

"Mmmhuh?" Kagome looked up as Ayumi and Yuka started squealing.

"Kagome," Ayumi answered half-scoldingly, "Hojo just won another bout."

"You aren't feeling ill again, are you, Kagome?" asked Yuka. "You did have mono all last month. Sometimes that can take a while to go away."

"She'd better hold off on Hojo's victory kiss, then," smirked Eri.

"Eri!" squeaked Yuka in scandalized delight.

"What?" Eri asked, both hands out. "It's not as if I told her to reinstall his ceiling fan." She finished in a loud whisper.

"What does that _mean?!_ " fumed Kagome. "And I am not kissing Hojo!"

"Well not if you have mono," said Ayumi.

"And not before he takes a shower," added Yuka.

"Yeah," followed Eri. "They're sweating like pigs out there."

"Ewwww..." chorused Yuka and Ayumi, turning to watch in gleeful revulsion.

Kagome looked again. There did seem to be more than a few bits of froth flying around. Suddenly she was very glad that they'd picked seats at the top of the bleachers. The boxer in the overstuffed helmet didn't seem to be working up much of a sweat. He seemed as cool and collected as he had the moment he'd walked out of the locker room. He stood poised on his tight-smooth legs, watching his frothing opponent stumble left and right. Then one quick move—

"Winner!" the referee called tersely, holding the overstuffed boxer's glove in the air.

The hottie snatched it back, a rude word echoing toward the stands.

Then, fumbling with full gloves, the fighter loosened his helmet, shaking out his long white hair.

"Ooooo!" squealed Yuka.

Then he crouched down and scratched his head.

With his left foot.

Kagome's insides froze. She blinked hard. He hadn't. Not really.

"What's that guy doing?" muttered Yuka.

"It looks like yoga," answered Ayumi.

"He can keep doing it if I can keep looking," said Eri.

A hiss escaped Kagome's lips. " _How_ the _hell?!_ "

"Well," said Ayumi, "if you take enough lessons, you learn to swing your hip around like this—"

The fighter – it couldn't really be him, anyway – stuffed his hair back under his helmet, growling all the time. No, not growling. Kagome was imagining it. The fighter stood up, opening his jaws in a clear snarl as the microphone sneered to life.

 

.  
.  
.

 

All in all, this wasn't hard. Some of these guys were pretty fast, but after years of whacking Shippo around and ducking Kouga's lame-ass moves, it was as easy as whacking Shippo around and ducking Kouga's lame-ass moves.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand fight!"

_Thlock!_

_Thlunk!_

"Aaaaaaaaaaand the winner!" the grown human supervising the match grabbed Inuyasha's right glove and held it in the air. He stifled a growl. He'd stopped trying to figure out what was going on. At first he'd thought it was some kind of lesson like Miroku and Kagome's fool grandfather were always trying to teach: You may have won but you're still a poufy-fisted helpless little trout, so be good! Teach a man to fish and he'll forget about eating your children. And eat your cow instead. Or something.

Inuyasha craned his neck toward the ceiling. There were some kind of round, bladed things twirling away up there, mixing the air like a varnished breeze. He sniffed the air and nearly gagged on the redolent fume of collective adolescent male. He wasn't going to find her that way. 

But then that helpful chubby guy had said that fighters sometimes brought people to watch. His eyes flicked over to the giant raised chairs. That meant that Kagome was probably—

"Next bout!"

Inuyasha shrugged, eying another human, who was shaking heavily in his shorts. He shook his head. "You sure this one's my size?" he asked the man with the whistle, only half-sneeringly. "He seems a little runty."

"I'm not runty!" squeaked the runt.

Somewhere, a high-pitched male voice went, " _Hmmph!_ "

The man with the whistle raised his arm.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand fight!"

Inuyasha thought back to the past few dozen times he'd shotputted Shippo into the stratosphere. At least the little fluffball had shown him a thing or two about how to teach a smaller demon a lesson without breaking every bone in his body.

_Thwack!_

_Thlonk!_

"Aaaaaaaaaaaand the win—! _Oh my GOD the blood!_ —uh..."

Perhaps he needed more practice.

"Wow..." muttered one of the men by the ringside. "I don't think I've ever seen a bantamweight bleed that much."

Inuyasha prudently stepped back. Then he stepped away. Then he ducked back into the crowd of human boys milling around between fights. Chubbo had gone down to some knobby-kneed whelp in over-starched trunks but he'd been back up in a couple minutes, and maybe old specklehead was still in the running...

"I heard what you said," said a quiet voice by his left ear. Damn but it was hard to hear footsteps in this crowd. "I don't know why they let your kind into the sport."

Inuyasha felt his jaw set. He'd heard it too many times as a child to not know how to answer it now. "I got a right to be here," he answered. "You don't like it, you can take off any time you like."

"Not a chance." Inuyasha turned to find a soft-raised human face with a pair of steely brown eyes in it. Some nobleman's son. It figured with the attitude. "We have an issue to settle," the kid yapped on. "I didn't forget your number, Mr. Thirty-four."

Inuyasha looked down at the scrap of paper on his chest and turned it right-side up. Thirty-four. Huh. So this was the stick-up-his-ass that Fathead and Fleckboy had been carrying on about in the locker room.

"I'm not some half-trained kid you can intimidate," the noblewhelp went on. "And after I defeat you in the ring, you are going to apologize to Kagome for what you did!"

"I _said_ if it's supposed to smell like food, then why can't I eat the damned—" Inuyasha hissed before he fully comprehended what the boy had said. His ears tried to twitch but the damned helmet was in the way. "Kagome? You know where she is? You'd better tell me, maggot breath, or I'll—"

"You'll what?" the kid got in his face with a half-decent strut. It wouldn't have made Kouga weep with shame, either. "I'm not afraid of a nosebleed, I'm not afraid of name-calling and I'm not afraid of big braggarts who walk around like the world is theirs to poke at. I guess that means I'm _not afraid of you_."

Inuyasha narrowed his eyes. This kid's scent was getting familiar, like the drips and drabs that clung to Kagome's spellbooks after "Hojo-kun from class" had "just walked her home and there's nothing to get jealous about so give me back my math book!"

"Hojo?" asked Inuyasha.

"You remembered my name," the boy acknowledged. "And here I thought you didn't care about other people enough for that."

"You said I had to apologize to Kagome," said Inuyasha, "but you didn't say what I get when I win."

"Thirty-four!" called the man in the striped hat. Inuyasha raised one gloved fist in response. "Twenty-seven!" Hojo raised his. "Time to go, you two."

"Let the best man win."

"I can't wait."


	7. Final Tencount

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Let the final tencount begin.

Hooray for Inuyasha.  
Hooray for Takahashi.  
I don't pretend I made 'em,  
So there's no need to squash me.

 

Kindly enjoy this final chapter.

 

.  
.  
.

 

"...can't _believe_ the way you acted earlier but at least you agreed to settle this like a man," Kagome's human tagalong was prattling on. "Now don't get distracted by the crowd because I simply won't want anyone saying I hit you while you were blah blah blah..."

Inuyasha felt one eyebrow rise like a hawk on a thermal. Was this kid serious?

Well, finding Kagome in all this mess might have turned out to be more difficult than he'd expected, but at least there was some entertainment to be had in the meantime.

"Are you going to tell me your name or are you just Number Thirty-four to me?" asked the puffy-faced human.

Inuyasha was only too happy to oblige, "You can call me Inuyasha," he said, jabbing one glove-encased thumb toward his chest. "And you'd better do it soon because you might have some trouble after I crack open that skull of yours."

Hojo rolled his eyes. "I meant your _real_ name."

"Huh?" Inuyasha blinked. "That is my real name."

"Yeah right," Hojo waved one red fist, "who do you think you are, some gangster?"

What was a gangster? Inuyasha didn't stir anything during dinnertime; Kagome or Miroku did that shit.

"Can you even get that made into a name seal?" Hojo blathered on. "How stupid do you think I am? Like any mother with an IQ over twenty would name her son that."

Inuyasha felt his cheeks get red. He wasn't sure what this dude was talking about, but it was pissing him off. "My _dad_ named me that!" Inuyasha stepped forward, rapping a glove against Hojo's chest. "And ofukuro's eye cue was," he floundered, "... _way_ over twenty!"

"Evi _dent_ ly," Hojo answered pointedly.

Inuyasha growled, not caring if anyone heard him. How the hell could this bleating boy still have two unbroken legs and – Inuyasha leaned in – _all_ of his teeth?! To hell with Frecklehead and Puffercheeks. If they couldn't take this boy out on their own, then there was something wrong with both of them. There was something wrong with this whole stupid, stinking city! Inuyasha shook his head. "No wonder Kagome acts so fucking weird!" he muttered.

"Hey!" snapped Hojo, tapped one glove-entombed hand against Inuyasha's chest. "Don't you use that kind of language about a lady!"

"I'm gonna use whatever I want about a lady!" Inuyasha snapped. He poked back, mirroring Hojo's move with his own gloves. Fatface hadn't mentioned this alongside jab, hook and cross, but maybe it was some kind of pre-fight fight thing.

Hojo poked back harder.

Inuyasha poked back harder still, until the tapping of glove on chestguard pattered like a pent-in rain.

"All right, you two!" shouted the umpire. Hojo stopped immediately. Inuyasha felt no such qualm but pulled his fists back anyway. Better to save his energy for a real blow.

The metal wand in the umpire's hand gave an eldritch squeal as he raised it to his mouth.

He'd taken out all those other skipping human striplings without hurting them. Okay, without _trying_ to hurt them. This one was making him rethink going to all that effort.  
.  
.  
.

Kagome felt as though she were sinking, down and down and down into the earth. Unfortunately, the fluorescent lights overhead and that chatter of her three friends refused to get any further away.

"Yay, Hojo!" cheered Yuka

"Yay for our friend with the yoga fetish," leered Eri. "Someone, please drop something for him to pick up!"

" _Eri!_ " squealed Ayumi.

The white-haired fighter was facing away from Kagome, but she didn't have much in the way of doubts left. She couldn't see his face, but she could see Hojo's. The class champion was shaking his head, mouth set, eyes resolute with all the strait-laced gumption she'd seen him show the cola boy.

Kagome had to admit: under other circumstances, it might be kind of cute. Hojo might offer local hoodlums his unsolicited opinion, but he was probably the only spotless schoolboy in a fifty-mile radius who could actually back it up. The boy who'd spilled soda on her earlier – and who was now very _very_ conspicuously absent – might not have swallowed his words but there would've been plenty of blood in his mouth to make up for that.

Hojo and the white-haired fighter took their places in the ring. Inuyasha seemed lighter on his feet than ever. The back of his head tilted, helmet and all, and Kagome could imagine those bright yellow eyes flicking up and down Hojo's lean frame, looking for just the right place to slam those terrible fists.

Kagome's mind worked quickly. Inuyasha had been loose in the tournament probably since it had started. No one had yet been carried out in a body bag, so he must have been careful, or at least careful enough. The two fighters rotated into their start positions and Kagome bit down on her lower lip. She'd seen that look in Inuyasha's steel-gold eyes before, namely all the times Kouga showed up. She had a funny feeling that Hojo wasn't going to get out of this with just some dust on his headband and his tail pulled out of joint.

She flicked her eyes toward the trio of her supposedly fellow junior high girls. Well... There were worse things in life than hearing Eri hit high G when she learned what she thought was a scandal.

The referee lifted his hand. Kagome tensed in her seat, not sure what she should do.

.  
.  
.

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand fight!"

Inuyasha threw a jab at Hojo's mumbling mouth.

"Yeep!" a shrill squeak escaped the boy, but he managed to twirl out of the way in time for Inuyasha's glove to touch nothing but air.

Huh. That one punch had worked on most of the other bleeding striplings that the judges had propped up in front of him as opponents. Inuyasha narrowed his eyes as Hojo half-jumped up and down in front of him. Maybe this stink-scented kiddo did have something going on.

He struck again and Hojo hopped to the side, just like a pugnacious bunny that had watched too many combat movies. Inuyasha shook his head inside the confining helmet. Damn, but he wasn't used to these restrictions! A white puffball over his ears, red puffballs over his hands, and he was only allowed to use three different moves, none of which would be worth owl shit in a real fight.

He felt his smirk grow beneath the confines of his cheek guards. Not like he'd let _that_ stop him. The twerpish human ducked to the side in what he probably thought was a feint. Inuyasha pulled back one mighty fist and threw hard, downward. The human ducked again. This time it was too late to do anything but follow through. Inuyasha gritted his teeth as his fist slammed hard into the mat.

Inuyasha's eyes narrowed, watching Hojo bounce on the balls of his feet. All right, so maybe he would have to break a sweat after all. Inuyasha sent a cross to Hojo's shoulder. Predictably, he moved left. He sent a hook to his jaw. Moved right, sure as sunrise.

A smirk formed underneath the helmet. He had just the thing. Inuyasha jumped backward, pulling his arm into an arch. This move had a fifty-fifty shot against Kouga, and this boy was no Kouga. He tensed, ready to dart forward and knock not-even-good-enough-to-be-wolf-turd flat on his ass.

" _Inuyashadontyoudareorsohelpme!!_ "

Inuyasha's neck twisted toward the sound. He knew that shrill voice! He scanned the crowd. Damn these echoes! She'd probably ducked down.

"Hey, Kagome!" his opponent shouted cheerfully. "It's sweet of you to cheer me on, but don't distract me during the fight."

Inuyasha growled audibly as his head snapped around, "Oy! Kagome!" he shouted.

_Koouff!!_ One gloved hand connected with Inuyasha's round cheeks. Served him right for failing to pay attention in the middle of a fight. Kagome would have to wait.

"All right, human brat!" Inuyasha said darkly. "I hope you enjoyed that punch, because it's the—"

Hojo narrowed his eyes and jumped forward with a hook-jab combo.

Inuyasha leapt neatly to the side. "—last—"

Unfazed, the boy tried again, feinting slyly to the left.

Inuyasha dodged again. ''—you'll—"

"—ever—"

"—get—"

"—asshole!—"

There was a hideous _fweeepp!!_ and Inuyasha clamped his hands over his cowering ears. Damned pouf of a helmet! A human in striped gear stepped forward. "Audible!" He waved an arm between Hojo and himself.

"Huh?"

"One point!" said Stripegut, backing swiftly away.

"We lose points for swearing?" Inuyasha asked.

"Yes!" huffed Hojo. "Didn't you read the rule book?"

"Fuck, no!" answered Inuyasha.

"Audible!" Stripey yelled again.

"What _ever_." He jabbed a carpeted claw at Hojo. "Get ready to have your ass handed to you!"

" _Audible!_ "

" _Please_ stop that," Hojo sounded like he was pumping exasperation into his voice with a mainline. "If you do it enough, they'll disqualify you and I want to win this bout with my own skill and perseverance, not your bad manners."

"God, you're annoying!" said Inuyasha. He looked back at the striped man, "Can I hit him again, yet?"

"No!" shrilled a voice from the stands.

"You stay out of this, you stupid girl!" Inuyasha shouted back.

" _Hmm!_ " tsked Hojo.

"I can hit him if I want; the rules say so!" Inuyasha's searching ears finally homed in on the familiar sound of scolding. His eyes darted through a flock of three little magpies fluttering around her elbows and settled on Kagome's face.

Inuyasha gulped hard. Perhaps fighting her pet human hadn't been such a good idea. He saw her eyes narrow. Even coming all this way to the tournament was starting to look less brilliant than it had just a second before.

He tried to raise his hands but it was too late.

"In-u-ya-shaaaaaaaaaa!!" Everything slowed down. Kagome's mouth opened, showing perfect, terrible white teeth.

Inuyasha braced and took a dive into the mat—

" _Osuwari!!_ "

—and sprung right back up again, looking left and right in confusion.

"Osuwari!" she yelled again.

Inuyasha was back on his feet in record time, a strange expression on his face. "Hey!" he shouted, poking at the floor with his feet. "The fuck? This stuff is great!"

There was a terrified shriek from the stands. A familiar voice shouted. "Dammit! Oooooh, _Osuwari!_ "

"It's okay, people!" Hojo had reappeared at Inuyasha's elbow and was waving both gloves in the air. "She has Tourette's!"

Inuyasha was back on his feet in record time. "That didn't hurt!" he shouted into the crowd. "Ha! You can do that all you want, bitch!"

Her nose screwed up. "Osuwari!"

Down – _smack!_ – and back up! Inuyasha laughed out loud, his momentary freedom. Oh but he was _so_ going to get it later. He could feel Kagome grit her teeth. But she _so_ couldn't give it to him now and she knew it.

And he knew it.

"Hey!" Hojo shoved Inuyasha hard on the shoulder. The human's round face was turning purple. He screwed up his fists. " _Stop making fun of Kagome's problem!_ "

Inuyasha's head flipped to the left in time to see a big red puffball smack straight for his nose.

POW!

.  
.  
.

 

"Kagome!"

"Kagome, do you know that boy?" asked Ayumi.

"What did you yell just now?"

"Can you introduce me?"

Kagome barely heard them.

This wasn't working. All she'd managed to do was stir up the girls. Inuyasha's attention span must have been feeling more tolerant toward smashing another stupid boy into the mats than it was to dragging her feet-first back to the sengoku jidai. Under other circumstances, she would have been thrilled.

She jumped to her feet, " _InuyashaIswearifyouhurthimmorethanyou'resupposedtoIwillmakeyouwillregretitfortherestofyourlife!!_ "

"Huh?" asked Yuka.

"Did you say 'Inuyasha'?" said Ayumi. Her eyes lit up like firecrackers. "Yoga boy down there is your no-goodnik boyfriend?"

"EeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!" squealed Eri. "No _wonder_ you let him get away with being such a jerk. Why didn't you tell us he was _hot_ , Kagome?"

"Hey, look!"

Kagome's spirit sank as Eri and Yuka gasped in adolescent horror. Inuyasha just stood there, grinning widely, not the slightest bit fazed as Hojo popped him another one in the mouth. Kagome swallowed hard. Inuaysha flicked both eyes toward her and – damn him and his red shorts – he _smiled_.

Jab. Jab. Hook. Cross. Hojo was starting to look confused. Jab. Hook. Jab. Cro—

" _What_ the—?!" Hojo found himself wiggling all four limbs in the air ladybug-style as Inuyasha pulled both claw-muzzled red fists around his waist and pulled him over head.

"You've had this coming for a long time, human!"

" _Inuyasha put him down right now!!_ "

" _No!_ "

The referee's whistle fweeped angrily.

"You keep that up, boy, and you're disqualified!"

The hanyou frowned, still balancing the wriggling Hojo over his head. "Disquali-what?"

Kagome smacked herself over the eye. If there were anything less likely to discourage a superpowered knucklehead on the rampage...

"I'm going to count to three!" called the ref.

Inuyasha shrugged, gaining a frustrated squeak from Hojo, "If you say so."

"One!"

"Put me down now, you cheater!" shouted Hojo.

"Keep dreamin' pal!"

"Two!"

Inuyasha spun Hojo overhead like a top.

"Three!"

The whistle squealed again.

"Match! Put the boxer down, sir!"

"Inuyasha!" Kagome called from the stands. "The fight's over!"

"No it's not!" Inuyasha called back, "He's still got both his arms stuck on yet!"

" _Inuyasha!_ "

"Okay, okay..." Inuyasha dumped Hojo unceremoniously on the mat. Hojo didn't quite manage to get up as quickly as Inuyasha had, but he'd staggered dizzily to his feet in time for the referee to grab him by the forearm.

"Winner!" he shouted.

"What?" snorted Inuyasha.

"Umm..." Hojo frowned dizzily. "I ...don't know if this should count as a win for me. Not that I'm mistrusting your judgment, sir."

"Fuck right it's not a win for you! What the hell?!"

"Oh boy," whispered Kagome.

"Ooooooh!" Ayumi chimed in.

"Is he going to pick a fight with the referee?" asked Eri.

"No," said Kagome, slipping up from her seat. "No he's not." She turned to Ayumi and Yuka with what she hoped was a sincere smile in her eyes. "Would you girls do me a favor and see that Hojo gets home?" she asked sweetly. "And thank him for the invitation for me?"

"Okay..." said Yuka, "but what are you going to do?"

Kagome's feet were already halfway to the stairs as all the sugar left her voice. "I'm going to drag him out of there by his ears."

"Can I watch?" asked Eri.

.  
.  
.

 

"Seriously, it's not like I care who wins this stupid thing," Inuyasha explained, "but if you have a guy up in the air and flopping around like a fish, then he is _not_ the one winning."

"The fight is over, contestant," said the striped human. "Please leave the ring."

"I will be more than happy to fight you another time," Hojo tacked on, his twitching eyes focusing somewhere over Inuyasha's right shoulder, "after you've learned a little more about boxing!"

"Oh, I'll box you," he snarled back.

"Inuaysha!" someone was tugging at his elbow.

"Just a second," he answered, taking another step towards Hojo.

"Inu _yasha!_ " the voice insisted.

He shook his head, "Oh what is—" he blinked. "Kagome!"

"Kagome?" asked Hojo, head wavering.

"Hello, Hojo! You fought very well today!" she answered brightly before turning to Inuyasha in a half-growl. "We are going home _right_ now!"

"About time someone here made any sense," Inuyasha agreed. "Sango and Miroku oughtta' be ready to leave by the time we get there; there have been rumors of a shard in—"

"I meant _my_ home!"

"Oh, sure. Just give me a minute," he held up one hand and reached back toward Hojo.

Kagome grabbed his arm and pulled, "No more of that! You're done!"

"Aw..."

"No! Besides," Kagome practically growled, "if you want to beat the daylights out of someone, I have the _perfect_ victim in mind."

.  
.  
.

 

EPILOGUE

 

"No, Hojo, she said she had to go," said Ayumi sympathetically.

"It was _really_ an emergency," added Yuka emphatically.

"It was _so_ nice of you to invite all of us," finished Eri, looking at the boys headed toward the locker room.

"Thank you, ladies," said Hojo, the fingers of his freed hand going loose around his trophy. "I hope you had a nice time," he said, his head twitching slightly as he forced his eyes into focus.

"I would've had a nicer time if yoga boy hadn't already had a girlfriend," muttered Eri.

"Huh?"

"I said I couldn't have had a nicer time even if the contest hadn't been won by my friend," said Eri.

"Oh. Well, would you excuse me for a minute? I have to go change before I get a ride home and feed the cucumbers."

"Uh..." said Yuka. "Sure."

"We'll be right here," said Ayumi.

Hojo strode off, his gait as confident as ever. He walked smack into the wall next to the doorframe, righted himself, patted the wall until his hand found the doorknob and walked into the locker room.

"Sometimes I worry," confessed Eri to no one in particular.

"Ugh, tell me about," said a freckled boy who'd materialized at her elbow.

"I know, after all we _do_ for them!" she replied.

"There's just no help for it!" he said.

Eri shook her head and looked away.

"Hey," the boy prodded her elbow. "Do you want to go make out?"

"Oh hell yes," answered Eri. She waved to Yuka and Ayumi. "Check in with you later!"

"Bye."

"Bye!"

.  
.  
.

 

Bertram gasped and forced himself into a sitting position. He blinked heavily. Yes... his head was throbbing like a porn star's ass, his bags and number were missing and he suspected that someone had stuffed stinkbugs down the back of his shirt before chucking him under the bush.

Lucky thirty-four his beetle-basted ass!

"Oh, man!" he cried. "Not again!"

.  
.  
.

 

The evening air was soft beneath the goshinboku tree. The smell of dinner was already making its way toward them from the kitchen window. Souta was completely unfazed.

"Sis," he intoned stoically, crossing his arms. "After all the crap I got after you ratted on me, _this_ —" he waved one hand in the empty air around his head, "—is _nothing!_ "

"So this was about the Hello Kitty doll?" asked Kagome.

"It's Fuzzie-dono-sama to you," answered Souta, his standup hair swaying slightly. "And now we're even."

One eyebrow quirked. "You're taking this awfully calmly," she said.

"I was expecting something like this." Souta folded his arms, "But I know that Inu-no-nii chan isn't going to hurt me after I told him how to find you."

"He's right Kagome," said Inuyasha, shifting his grip on Souta's ankles as he held him upside-down over the grass. "I really wouldn't."

"You shut up!" hissed Kagome.

"My revenge is complete!" cried Souta, tossing both fists groundward.

"Drop him," said Kagome.

"No," said Inuyasha.

"Fine. _Osuwari._ "

"Glak!" Inuyasha dive-bombed int the ground, captive Higurashi and all.

"Get off me!" Souta yelled in muffled panic.

"I can't," Inuyasha answered wearily. "Just got to wait it out. Take a deep breath—"

"But I can't breathe under here!" Souta's arms and one free leg flailed, catching Inuyasha upside the head. Kagome turned and walked toward the house. She probably had a good forty seconds. Plenty of time to start some tea.

"Ow! Human, let go of the ears!"

" _No!_ "  
.  
.  
.

THE END

drf24

**Author's Note:**

> This is one hiatus 'fic that actually got finished. I wrote the first few chapters many years ago and didn't finish it until only a few years ago, after my first-ever visit to Japan. The description of an urban college is accurate (at least on the exterior). 
> 
> Posted to Archive of Our Own on 2-16-2013.


End file.
